How to make mistakes?
And embrace them
A dust.
Moving left to right, feeling the flow guiding us, mind wondering without looking forward or backwards, eyes closed. How long can you stay in such a state?
For the greater part of this year, I floated between left and right, from one goal to another, without reaching for what I was looking for. I remember one time my uncle saying “you have a goal, and just by having one, it makes you a thousand steps further than most”
I am a thousand steps behind now.
I don’t have goals but envies. I envy the success of one musician; I envy the success of one writer; I envy the success of a psychologist; I envy the success of one bodybuilder. But between a thousand layers of envy, where do I stand? Where am I? Where did I go?
I’ve read my words from when I gave myself the luxury to only write. I was inspired by the I from the past. He had goals. He was not afraid to step up and say what he was feeling, but between the months; the world seems to have buried him. Can he come back?
I have a lot of notes here and there between my Apple Note, Notion, Evernote and god knows how many notebooks. The writer is here and can’t go away. He can’t because he is me and I am him. We have been dancing together to two different songs that are bound to match in the bridge section.
I can’t let him go away, as he is the reason I feel human. I feel human by writing, by expressing myself in a broken way, not perfect but imperfect, just as we are meant to be. A cohesion of default united to create a perfect imperfection, always with room to improve and learn from each other.
Writing articles and stories, I feel alive; I feel like I am me and not some faded picture of someone else’s dream projected on my reflection.
I wrote here and there, beginning of what I thought could be an interesting post on Medium, but never finished one. I kept stopping, looking back, judging what I wrote and questioning the number of words “would it be enough?”
I locked myself to a set of rules, not respecting the core principle of creativity, of expression: there is no rule, just make good art. I spent hours looking at other successes, looking at numbers. I wondered what they did that I wasn’t doing. They simply continued not because they wanted to gain popularity or money, it was an urge, the urge that made them start. This powerful drive, something deeper than ourselves, something you can’t help but do. They were not afraid to make mistakes, embrace them, and discover who they were in the process. They only cared about one thing: making good art.
I intend to post more, not because I care what others think, but for others like me. Those who question themselves, those who want to improve and think you have to be perfect to start. I want to come back here in a year and read these words and think “This is badly written, but damn, I needed to read this to see my progress. Buried between these proses, I see myself, I see my voice”. I want to come back and remember the day I wrote those words, feel that excitement and relive the joy of pressing “publish”.
I want to finish with my biggest influence of self-expression, the one who I think he’s a master storyteller.
“And now go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make good art.” — Neil Gaiman
